kind-of-mom

it hit me again tonight. juggling sophia in one arm, reading claire a book in the other arm...being able to put my girls to sleep by myself ( no small feat) and all the little commentary and moments in the in-between.

claire's face when we read her favorite book. how she reads along with me. i love her small voice when we sing together. i love how when i kiss and kiss and kiss sophia's neck all she does is look adoringly at me and giggle. it is so rewarding.

and it hit me how deeply i was made for this. motherhood. to love my littles into their destinies. to sing to them, play with them, make them sprinkle pancakes ( cause they are fancy) and kiss all over them day and night. how my heart just sort of sings.

and how at the same time i so long to be a world changer. how i packed both girls up yesterday while baba did taxes to go help some of our friends from church make sandwhiches for some of the street kids in a poor neighborhood. and the whole outing was a bit of a flop. and i was the mom who was there in spirit, but really not much help at all. sophia was having a rough day and crying (almost the whole time) claire was just running around. between traffic, parking, screaming, feeding, waiting for the kids to come, and the car dying ...when i arrived home i sank into the couch for reprieve. ( but still had a crying baby and a hungry toddler)

so i know i was made for this mothering thing. to lavish love on little hearts and create moments they will always remember and let our hearts burst with joy. and also to sweat and tug and wipe tears and discipline and push them just a little and show up to things when we don't want to, and drive across town so that we can serve. so we can give away the great love that we are living so freely in.

tonight was a make popcorn and watch a movie night.

tomorrow will most likely be a pack-em-up and go on a visit and try and bring the Love to people who need it night. i loved the peace and calm and routine of bed time with my silly bear and my sweet pea.

but we want to change the world this family does. so we keep on expeirementing what it looks like for this mamma and her little girls to take on this crazy life.