turning 34

in the trenches of a weaning babe, a fiery 3 year old, and an inquisitive 5 year old.

days never feel long enough and there are always things i wish i was doing better.

 so then to pause and think that even when time is flying by, there are milestones. small days that sprout up to mark the passing of these beautiful days given to me.

 i woke up early my birthday morning to happy babbling from Alia Hope. I listened for as long as she would let me and thanked God for another sunshine-y babe. morning people really have an advantage in life.

Then i scooped sweet 5 year old up and we went into our living room. i started the bottle, the breakfast cycle and although the day felt like so many days before it, i had this small inward drive to feel differently.

 i thought about future birthdays when the girls will run in and spoil me. when i am not the one that is moving everything forward.

but then i see this face. and it makes me sort of deep breather. that this is the only birthday in my life that will have this dreamy creamy  3 year old talking and demanding more cereal, and kissing me. and looking me deep in the eyes and telling me she is "dunna make da biggest pink cake in da world for you, mama" .

 I think deeper how i was made for love. I was made to love...nothing has been more satisfying. to love Jesus has been the greatest Joy in my life, to love my husband has been more rewarding and more fulfilling and better than anyone could have told me.

 and being a mama. oh man, being a mama. to have the honor of these treasures of guiding, speaking into, creating memories, cultivating character, kissing and just.being.with.them.

 because the reality is that between cuddles, kisses, stories, disciplining, games, hide n seek, monster, mermaid princess and doll house their hearts are growing in love and security and significance.

 so we actually had a mostly normal day. normal if sitting with people who have fled war, and are re-orienting in every way they can is normal.

my morning coffee with my sweet friend..

 I am going to have a party next weekend, so this week it was mostly small, sweet moments. but my normal, it is beyond what i could have dreamed. and so this day, that i turn 34...i gladly step into.

we met Sarah, andrew and Ellie at shake shack and man.was.it.good.

 sarah even made me my favorite- fruit pizza.

 i love all that the Father has chosen to give me, and want to walk into more and more of His abundant love this year.