the grit of friendship
We have finally reached a stage, a first for us in the five years of living in Lebanon. My daughters have Lebanese besties and friendships that they really treasure. They love going to school and playing with these girls and boys, and we also have had lots of fun play dates over the summer with different ones from these friendships.
And while play and being kids is so simple it also encapsulates so much of our fears and insecurities. I see Layla and Sophia work through fear and feeling left out, and the tough challenge of not being able to fully communicate to their friends. There are so many moments that everything is care free and the girls are just laughing and playing and running around with their friends playing dress up or hide and seek.
but there are other moments where they get their feelings hurt, feel misunderstood, don't know how to communicate what they need or want..and I feel them.
They are learning invaluable things my little ones. They are learning how to play and be with all different types of people. Of looking for ways to connect, even if it is just running around in circles with silly Syrian boys on a visit. Or letting older girls do their make up.
As the girls get older, I feel the change in dynamics in visits and play times. Navigating these waters requires different skills, different help, advice and prep from Mama. Bringing them along is a joy, I want them to own our family's story here. But I also am growing into my role as they come away from these interactions with different feelings, pain, excitement, friendships made or feeling overlooked.
A couple Saturdays ago, I texted a mom to three girls that have emerged as fun buddies here. It just so happened that they were spending time here in Beirut and not going to their village for the weekend. I offered to come and get them so they could play with the girls for a couple hours. It all sounded so simple, so easy, so fun. But cleaning up the house to get them ready, dressing, loading up in the car lengthened through fits and tears and strong wills. It was one of those days when transitions get the best of you.
Traffic was a nightmare and took way longer than I would have expected. We picked up the girls 30 minutes later than we thought and headed back to our place. The play date had good moments but lots and lots of melting, selfish, mama-needs-to-mediate moments. The laughing, bonding, fun girl day had shifted to sweating mama who was exhausted by all the tears, mean words, and culminated with two of my girls and oldest sister locking youngest friend/sister out from a room while she cried tears of frustration and hurt.
deep breaths, mama. friendship is such work. I kept muttering to myself. Friendship is glorious at some points, the stuff life is made of. And then it is tears and hurt and saying sorry and forgiving.
After the visit went two hours longer than it was suppose to ( due to ahem, cultural moments) and i pulled in the drive way and exhaled... i let myself just sink into how hard that was. How traffic and crazy drivers, cultural expectations and miscommunications made that harder than what could be normal.
I do know that something I am modeling to the girls, something that does feel valuable and it is -relationships matter. People get our best. We make time, spend energy, endure all types of challenges and obstacles to make space and time for people in our lives. It is a family affair. Two year old naps in the car because of this. Dinner is more simple because of it.
And while play and being kids is so simple it also encapsulates so much of our fears and insecurities. I see Layla and Sophia work through fear and feeling left out, and the tough challenge of not being able to fully communicate to their friends. There are so many moments that everything is care free and the girls are just laughing and playing and running around with their friends playing dress up or hide and seek.
but there are other moments where they get their feelings hurt, feel misunderstood, don't know how to communicate what they need or want..and I feel them.
They are learning invaluable things my little ones. They are learning how to play and be with all different types of people. Of looking for ways to connect, even if it is just running around in circles with silly Syrian boys on a visit. Or letting older girls do their make up.
As the girls get older, I feel the change in dynamics in visits and play times. Navigating these waters requires different skills, different help, advice and prep from Mama. Bringing them along is a joy, I want them to own our family's story here. But I also am growing into my role as they come away from these interactions with different feelings, pain, excitement, friendships made or feeling overlooked.
A couple Saturdays ago, I texted a mom to three girls that have emerged as fun buddies here. It just so happened that they were spending time here in Beirut and not going to their village for the weekend. I offered to come and get them so they could play with the girls for a couple hours. It all sounded so simple, so easy, so fun. But cleaning up the house to get them ready, dressing, loading up in the car lengthened through fits and tears and strong wills. It was one of those days when transitions get the best of you.
Traffic was a nightmare and took way longer than I would have expected. We picked up the girls 30 minutes later than we thought and headed back to our place. The play date had good moments but lots and lots of melting, selfish, mama-needs-to-mediate moments. The laughing, bonding, fun girl day had shifted to sweating mama who was exhausted by all the tears, mean words, and culminated with two of my girls and oldest sister locking youngest friend/sister out from a room while she cried tears of frustration and hurt.
deep breaths, mama. friendship is such work. I kept muttering to myself. Friendship is glorious at some points, the stuff life is made of. And then it is tears and hurt and saying sorry and forgiving.
After the visit went two hours longer than it was suppose to ( due to ahem, cultural moments) and i pulled in the drive way and exhaled... i let myself just sink into how hard that was. How traffic and crazy drivers, cultural expectations and miscommunications made that harder than what could be normal.
I do know that something I am modeling to the girls, something that does feel valuable and it is -relationships matter. People get our best. We make time, spend energy, endure all types of challenges and obstacles to make space and time for people in our lives. It is a family affair. Two year old naps in the car because of this. Dinner is more simple because of it.
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