Team Generous

Feeling the tension pretty deep of raising my daughters in this rich and hard, deep and intense life. How i want so badly for them to feel a part and for things not to be forced upon them. I am aware that they are living a childhood where they spend regular time in refugee camps.

 And while some days everything is running smoothly and they play and laugh and are super flexible, other days I can see the demand on their blooming hearts, imaginations and our time.

I love that they are in a good school, have birthday parties with Lebanese friends at Mcdonalds, and they go to a gymnastics class once a week. But I also love that they give away their toys and clothes regularly, and have good attitudes to jump in our van and go do visits with their mama- to bring joy and laughter and love to our sweet Syrians.

 It was a blazing hot day, and Drew had taken our older van to exchange for our newer one. It was the only day in the week that would work out for some of our high school Lebanese students to be able to go to Zahle, so we crammed the three girls, two Lebanese students and myself into our small little Picanto. Before we embarked on our adventure, I cast some vision though.

 We are working on six different characteristics this summer, and so I picked out two of them : "generosity" and "laughter and fun " for our goals for the day. I gave a pep talk about being generous with our time, of loving others over ourselves, of being willing to go in a long car ride because these Syrians wanted to learn english and our Lebanese girls were able to go today.

 My three girls put their hands in, we all counted to three and shouted " Team generous" ! My girls were excited and ready for the day ahead, and they had been missing their friends anyways, so that was exciting to go see them.

  But the day did not go as planned, and all their friends that I wanted them to go play with, were gone...some of them in the school in the middle of the camp.

  I watched disappointment, heat, hunger, and frustration hit my girls. I was affirming and loving and so in tune with what i was asking from them. I knew i was asking a lot. They were so resilient though. They rose to the challenge and were able to push through their own frustrations. They rallied.

 As we visited and they ate their beloved manaqueesh, we were covered in sweat. It was so hot, and as hot as we were, all of our friends were fasting. Not even able to drink a sip of water. The visit felt long, Hope had a break down in the middle.

  Our Lebanese  lovelies wrapped things up, and thanked us over and over because the visit was so timely. One of the girls they have been teaching english and building friendship with has just turned 16. Her parents just agreed to a  proposal from a man whom they have never met, and only "heard" good things about to marry her. And she will be married in three weeks. While this is very culturally normal, and this is their 5th daughter to marry off young, I was hoping it would be different.



  And so here I am in packing my girls in a hot car, with their hot water bottles, hair drenched in sweat, and talking to this sweet 16 year old as we drop her off at home about God's heart over her. Praying for her to have peace and for wisdom for her parents, for her, and for us on how we engage with the whole situation.

 Team generous still had 2 hours more in the car as we drove home, took the Lebanese lovelies home. They deserve gold stars. They were jaw-dropping amazing. There was some whining and tears and begging. But, I mean I felt like crying at some point from the heat, the traffic, and the news.

  That night we had one of the worst outbursts from one of the girls. It hit my deeply because I knew she was just exhausted from the long day. I felt guilty. The outburst sent me thinking through our rhythms as a family, as their mama. I think heart connecting with them is of utmost importance, and in both play and gritting through hard moments that is where i want to be...connected. I also love beach days, camping, play dates, and park fun.


  As I wrestled through feeling like a failure, and rumbled through it for a few days I once again resolved what i want to define my life, and their childhood.  I landed that I think that a childhood that is filled with sacrifice for the poor and hurting, of giving our time, of not always thinking of self is full of tears and moments of flops and failures. It is also shaping them deep deep down. and for that it is worth it.